Having Tea with Fear (homemade tea recipe included!)

Have you ever done something a little out of the ordinary and suddenly realized it opened a door inside you?

A few days ago, I set the table for someone I’ve unknowingly been avoiding in my life lately. I lit a few candles and placed some flowers on the table. I pulled out the oracle cards I made at our winter retreat. I even designed name cards for the two of us: Me. And My Fear.

Yes, I invited my fear to sit down with me.

I find that rituals and creativity are the guardians of my emotional world. When I turn the key of imagination, something deeper inside me opens. My feeling self is often waiting just behind that door, speaking in the language of beauty, symbols, and meaning.

So I set a place for her.

I placed a framed photograph in front of me from a time in my life when fear felt overwhelming. Then I poured my favorite homemade apple-cinnamon tea (scroll down if you want the recipe) and gave us each a couple of cookies. And we talked.

Or maybe more accurately, I listened.

For a long time she didn’t say much. She just sat there, small and tense, like she was waiting to see if I would try to push her away again. Finally I asked her a question: “What are you trying to protect?” She looked relieved that someone had finally asked.

“You,” she said.

From there, something began to open in a really beautiful way. I started to see that my anger, the part of me I tend to judge the most, was actually stepping forward to protect my fear. And when I was able to speak directly to that fear, something in me softened. It felt like another part of me finally had room to come through.

That experience was so very different from the old pattern of trying to control my emotions, judge them, or push them away.

 The parts of ourselves we judge the most are often the ones that have been trying the hardest to protect us. You might know that part by the way it:

• Shuts down.
• Gets reactive.
• Wants to control everything.

Underneath them, you might find a much more tender emotion that never had a place to be heard. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do isn’t fixing those parts. It’s getting curious about them.

I left that afternoon tea with a new appreciation for my fear, and gratitude that I was finally able to listen to her.

 If you’re feeling brave this week, you might try something similar. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Make yourself a cup of tea, sit somewhere quiet, and think about an emotion or reaction that tends to show up in your life. Maybe it’s anger, jealousy, even anxiety or control. 

Instead of trying to get rid of it, imagine inviting that part of you to sit down across the table, and ask it a question: “What are you trying to protect?” You might be surprised by what answers back.

And remember, the goal isn’t to exile these parts or cure ourselves of them, as religion taught us all too well to try. The goal is to understand them and recognize that what they’re really asking for is a little care.

And sometimes the most healing conversations happen over something as simple as a cup of tea.

 Apple Cinnamon Tea Recipe (serves 2)