Why Being the "Bad Girl" Now Won't Work

care vs. cure good girl healing holidays Jan 01, 2024

It's January 1st, and we all know what that means: Drastic goal-setting time. This is the time of year where we all take a look at ourselves and think, Everything would be better if I could just get more motivated and disciplined. With the whole world jumping on the self improvement train, it is SO TEMPTING to think that in order to heal from religious harm and being the religious good girl, you must now figure out how to become the opposite of who you are. You might be convinced that health would look like:

  • No longer caring what others think!
  • Never betraying yourself again!
  • Setting strong boundaries! 
  • Always showing your most authentic self to everyone at all times! 

These all sound amazing, right? Everything would be solved if you could just buckle down and fix yourself! But what if we told you that will never work. It simply isn't the solution. Why?

1). BEING A GOOD GIRL ISN'T ALL BAD: To say being "good" is 100% bad is still viewing life through that black-or-white lens religion trained you to do. The truth is, being the good girl actually has a ton of beneficial skills. Things like being very attuned to those around you, being a great care taker, and making others feel seen.

Being so freaking good is a combination of your natural DNA, and your conditioning from your family and religion. So while you think you must become the opposite of who you are, you are missing the fact that there is component here that is part of YOU that you can't fully rid of.

2). THIS IS THE SAME CYCLE RELIGION TAUGHT YOU. You were taught to think that "healing" means curing yourself of your flaws (through God, of course). This programming trained you to think that you should become the opposite of who you are, especially any time any indication of being human presented itself. 

But what if healing didn't look like that same perfectionistic journey, but rather became an act of caring for yourself instead? Because the hard truth is that you can't heal yourself out of being human. And for someone who was trained to constantly fight her humanity, the most radical act you can do is to instead learn how to embrace it.

3). YOU'RE NOT ADDRESSING THE REAL PROBLEM. This is the most important of them all. That's because the problem isn't YOU, it's your programming that is the problem. You're so used to always looking inward and blaming yourself for everything, something religion effectively trained you to do. You don't need to keep doing this, though. If fighting yourself so hard worked, it would have worked by now! What if you tried a new way? What if you began to get really curious every time this pattern of self judgement pops up so you can start recognizing it for what it really is, a leftover by product of your conditioning that doesn't need to define your reality anymore.

As you enter into this New Year, it's easy to want to create new goals and resolutions that tell you to become the opposite of who you are. But what would this year looks like if you choose to embrace yourself, toss out this idea that you need to be cured, and learn how to care for what is showing up instead?

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