Finding Community After Leaving Religion

community healing relationships Feb 23, 2023

One of the saddest parts we hear often from our clients (and ourselves too!) when it comes to leaving high demand religion is leaving behind that built in community that church so naturally fostered. There really is something about the sense of:

  • Belonging
  • Unifying beliefs
  • Going deep with others

that religion was so good at creating, for some of us. And part of the grief that comes with leaving religion is not only having to let go of that community, but accepting that you might not ever recreate a support system quite like it again.

That can, in part, be a good thing because, well, remember when we talked about the unhealthy boundaries that can come with spiritual communities? But for those of us that really miss the community aspect, it can feel scary to not know how to find a new community of your own. 

Here are our 4 steps for building a community now that you have left your religion, that can empower you to believe that you are still capable of creating something beautiful:

1. ENVISION. Start thinking about what exactly you are looking for. Get specific. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What do I like?
  • What do I want?
  • What am I looking for?
  • What are my needs?

2. EXPLORE. Make a list of the things about yourself. Things like:

  • Interests/hobbies
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Passions
  • Dislikes
  • Personality
  • Time commitments 

3. EMBODY. Ask yourself: "What do I need to do now in order to become more of what I'm looking for?"

4. EXECUTE. Start finding your people. Remember these things when you do:

  • Start small
  • Find clubs/groups around a shared interest
  • Start your own thing!
  • This takes TIME

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