If Easter Is Triggering For You

boundaries holidays relationships Apr 01, 2023

There is something about the holidays like Easter when questions like:

  • Are you going to church?
  • What church *are* you going to?
  • How come you're not at church?!

..seem to be on the rise. Panic sets in from others who notice you aren't as involved as you once were. So what DO you do with the increase of invitations and intrusions from family and loved ones?

It's important to first remember that your religious conditioning taught you that it is everyone's responsibility to insert their opinions into your life, especially when they disagree with your choices. That isn't godly behavior, that's actually called poor interpersonal boundaries. And now that you've left the Church, we can guarantee that the temptation is to want to over-explain yourself in regards to your changing beliefs, especially when there is pushback to your choices. 


Take a deep breath here. 


You can let yourself off that old religious hook. 


Remember that others WILL question your shifting beliefs, and when they do, it will come from their concerns, not yours. Fixing their fears in an impossible task because you are not responsible for taking care of their reactions towards you. That doesn't mean you can't have your own emotions over the fact that your spiritual life (or lack thereof) WILL disrupt others. It simply means the reactions of others isn't yours to fix.

When (and if) you are ready to set firmer boundaries around your newly changed beliefs (and this comes with a big IF because not everyone can handle the brevity of this news), keep these things in mind:

  1. You can keep it short. You do not owe everyone a lengthy explanation if you don't want to. 
  2. You can create boundaries around what you're willing to share. You don't need to 'come clean' with all of your choices (especially to your parents if you are an adult).
  3. You are not being inauthentic for not disclosing everything. You are actually allowed to keep some things private!

Going against your family/ the system that you were raised in requires a lot of courage and it will also initially create a lot of feelings of guilt as if you are doing something wrong (and of course if will feel like that--you're challenging your conditioning here!). Just remember the message of guilt and have some of these reminders in your back pocket for those moments:


(Looking for scripts on creating boundaries? You're gonna want to read this).

Don't forget: It's incredibly important during this time to make sure that you have support surrounding you with people who CAN listen to you and accept you where you are at! We're here if you want someone to celebrate with you any of the victories along the way...

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